Mixed feeling

2nd May - he offer me a ride back to e north after paper. I'm so happy, so excited because it's my first time taking his car and it's also his first time offering me. I couldn't describe my feels then. 

16th May - my last day taking e same paper as him. I was a little upsad since I might have to wait for another yr before I can ride on his car, enjoying e ride with him. On e side note, it's also his first time calling me on my phone! Since he's waiting for me to reply his offer again. =) 

It's just some simple act out of goodwill by him and it could happen to anybody. Ppl don't always appreciate calls and a ride offer. But I do, especially is by him. I'm really thankful for all his acts. I just wanted to record it down for my memory in future even though I knw I would never had a chance to be with him, as a couple. 

Nevertheless, as exams are ending especially when I can no longer see him again without any excuses or dates. I honestly have e urge everyday to date him out despite knowing he answer (he always reject my date out straight to my face). 

Do I really have to wait for another few mths before I can get to see him? Do I really have to wait till modules selection or release of result before I can text him? I don't want it to be like this~ I wanted us to be more than friends. But... I can't bring myself, I definitely don't have e courage to confess my feelings for him. Yeah, I knw, he will reject me again. I don't want to even lose this only friendship r/s with him which idk since when had become so precious to me. 

Yes, I couldn't answer. His presence has replaced someone else in my heart. Now, his everything means a lot to me.. Yet.. He don't get me.. Especially since I dropped so much hints to him over e past 6 mths at least! I didn't knw if he gets it but he choose to remains as friends or he innocently don't get it. I choose to believe e aftermath although my instinct told me it's my first thought. 

It hurts me, or rather disappoint me to knw tt he is nt into marriage and no intention into getting into it. It disappoint me to knw tt he is only interested in woman who is at least 1.7m of height because apparently, I am way shorter. Mummy told me tts only because he have yet to meet one whom he really liked. If he met one, he whatever listed as his criteria would become story. In other words, means he purely treated me as a normal friend. 

I don't want this I don't want this I don't want this! 

But... Other than respecting his choice, what else can I do?